In a power move of epic proportions, District Glanville manager Doug Glanville (from the Baseball Daily Media Experts League) fired his hitting coach after last night’s 7-6 victory over Nawfil.
"I do not like what I see, despite the 13 hits we put on the board. My big concern all season was how we handled the bat in 3-0 counts. We should be hitting .700, instead we are hitting .650. Unacceptable."
High bars have never been something Glanville shied away from in his past. In his inaugural season, he fired himself one week into the season. He replaced himself with lovable muppet scientist, Beaker. Glanville at the time, was quoted as saying "It is a conflict of interest, pure and simple. I am interested in winning, and these suckers who call themselves major leaguers, are interested in dollars. Beaker does not care about money, or at least he clearly does not spend it on his hair like these prima-donnas."
In the press conference after the game, The Washington Know writer, Tim Kurkjian pointed out that the firing was a first.
"You realize, Mr. Glanville, you never hired a hitting coach this season? So in effect, you fired no one from a vacant position."
"Of course, I know who I have or don’t have on my staff! I am making a statement. I told my hitters, "you are so good, you do not need a hitting coach." But I also told them that if they stink up the joint, I will fire them from this autonomy and bring in a true heavy."
In response, the lineup took a jab at this rash move.
"We beat Arrieta, so as far as I am concerned, we should all be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame as hitting coaches," said outfielder Carlos Gonzalez.
They also have found a replacement for the vacant vacancy.
"Are you prepared to announce the "new" hitting coach?" followed up Kurkjian.
"I am, Timmy. Michael Jordan will start tomorrow."
"As in the former basketball player?" asked Kurkjian.
"Correction, former baseball player. I played against him in 1994, I liked his work ethic. No one got to the park earlier, no one left later. His swing was long, but his tolerance for losing was short. We share that. No further questions."
District Glanville is playing to win.
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