GLANVILLE FIRES HIMSELF ONLY TO RE-HIRE HIMSELF FOR MORE PAY
In a backdoor negotiating ploy, District Glanville’s manager and owner Doug Glanville (Baseball Daily Media Experts League) has fired himself and re-hired himself within 24 hours.
His motivation?
To motivate.
"I have been getting the sense during this poor stretch that my players do not respect me. After looking myself in the mirror, I realized I was not the problem, my salary was the problem."
He rewarded himself with a $4.5 million pay raise with incentives to earn as much as $18 million.
"Players are making so much loot these days, you have to make as much as they make to be heard in that locker room. I tried to be the modest, listen-to-the-broke-guy manager, and it was not working. Now I make more than half my team. Please publish this fact."
Closer Trevor Rosenthal was not happy with Glanville’s mid-season pay raise.
"It would have been more effective if he spread that pay raise as performance bonuses to players who are earning their keep. Incentives for good play." said Rosenthal.
Glanville scoffed at "such wayward ignorance."
"These players have enough incentives. I mean just last week, Ender Inciarte, with all of his 9 at bats, got an endorsement deal for dental floss. I mean come on, these guys get paid to breathe. Well, at least his breath is more likely to be minty fresh."
District Glanville is trying to catch the two teams ahead of them in the toughest division in the league. Let’s see if overpaying their manager is the trick.
"I will put aside $43,000 for severance pay for when I fire a few more coaches. That is pretty generous. I may re-hire them, however."
Let’s see if his tactic will work.
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