— You have never spotted a UPS truck in your zip code and not hurried home

— No fan next to you at a stadium or arena ever has asked if you are a scout or general manager

— You have to look up the error chances for “1” fielders on the Basic Fielding Chart

— You don’t know the dice rolls that always come up Receiver on team defense cards

— You don’t know the distribution of the 36 dice “chances” in the 2-12 rolls

— You don’t know what Linebuck, Dazzler and Passing L mean

— You don’t know why there are blank sides on SOM’s black die

— You didn’t know SOM even had a black die

— You couldn’t find a Strat-O-Matic “six-pack” at the liquor store

— You have never had a storage problem

— You have never taken Strat with you on a trip

— You have never annoyed an APBA player

— You don’t know what the asterisks mean in the stat area of football skill-player cards or at the top of basketball and hockey cards

— The last time you played SOM football, the cards were wider than your fist

— You have never played “stealth” Strat at school or work

— You have never played Strat on a cruise, on a honeymoon or at a wedding

— When watching City Slickers, you could not beat Billy Crystal to the answer about who played third base for the 1960 Pirates

— You have never been to an Opening Day on Long Island, nor entered 46 Railroad Avenue, Glen Head, NY on Google Earth

— There are no thumb prints in the lower middle portion of your batter cards

— There are no dice in your bomb shelter